Grrrrr, well hello friends, sorry you haven’t heard a bark from me for months, it’s not for want of trying I can assure you. I’ve been stuck on this damn yacht for the last five months with not even a walk, a change of view or any food. It’s a good job I didn’t need a pee. My hair is all out of place and not been trimmed as it’s supposed to be, I look more like one of those poncy Bishon Freeze than a proud German Snautzer.
I guess you could say I’ve not got much to complain about, what are my options after all? I could have stayed in the UK and had to share space and affection with that ginger feline Sméagol or been stuffed in a box and put away out of sight someplace like the loft and that would have been awful! Having spent the last 20 years staring out of the window, watching the world go by I deserve better than the box or the charity shop, don’t you think?
So what am I doing to amuse myself this year? I’ve decided to stick with the best of a bad job as it’s a long walk back and I don’t have a bloody pet Passport, chances are I would end up stuck in Africa living with a stuffed camel for a mate, not even a decent view and the constant din of the Mosque just outside the unglazed window. No, this year I’m going to travel, go to places that my former keeper may have been but not me, always left to guard the house in bleedin’ blighty. Did you know, till last year I’d never been abroad?
The season started off with a 32 hour blast across the Med from Hammamet to Malta in a 25 knot wind and a sea that was like a wonky waltza at Pikey Pat’s fairground. Luckily having not eaten my bowl of pedigree stuffing, I felt fine. It was good to get back out on the open sea again and get some fresh wind in my whiskers, my new ‘keepers’ were not having as good a time as me, they have an inner ear rather than cotton wool. I did get to spend some quality time out in the blazing sun, bleaching my grey hair even more and earning my keep by looking out for marauding pirates, vessels limited in their ability to manoeuvre,and the odd sea bird. The latter being sadly lacking but we did get a visit from a pigeon who obviously thought we would make a nice perch.
Not a single Dolphin was spotted, despite assurances from the Crew that we would see some, only millions and millions of jelly fish. I had to wonder what was going on with the World, from my prospective it seemed to be getting seriously out of balance. What’s the sense in killing the very creatures that keep the beaches full of tourists all season as they eat the Jellyfish? It makes me mad and I’m only a virtual Pet! I know my keepers are also unhappy as they are always berating the ‘bastard fishermen’ who do the damage, (well it’s the man mostly who goes on about it, he moans all the time about something. I think he is only happy when he is airing some petty grievance about the local population, wherever we may be!)
Having not been on land for some time we were hoping to get a free berth down by the old submarine pens at the bottom of Grand Harbour, out of sight of the marina office. Since the last time we were here they have expanded the mooring space and taken over our old spot, we were told to leave and call the marina office for a place. I was gonna leap ashore and run off so we could stay but my legs wouldn’t work. I never got my walk or a chance to sniff other places.
When we next stopped all I could smell was pig turd and dog shit. The smell of cats was pretty strong also and I was desperate to go ashore and chase some, if only my stupid legs would let me. As it was all I could do was watch them on the shore, being chased by some of my relations, most frustrating! One of the locals looked very familiar; he had an uncanny resemblance to a New Zealand Huntaway that I knew in a previous life. That’s the good thing about being a Pedigree: we are exclusive creatures that don’t run wild (or run anywhere in my case).
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