Maltese Mysteries

In stark contrast to Lampedusa Island, Malta’s history is graphically evident from some distance offshore. It’s as subtle as a punch in the face. Probably the most fortified city in the world, Valletta has seen more than its fair share of battles, on land, sea and from the air. I won’t bore you with a history lesson but humans have been fighting over this lump of rock for thousands of years and as a result it has become a major stronghold for merchants and traders using the Mediterranean corridor from the Red sea (post canal) to the Atlantic and beyond. If you control Malta, you control the trade.

As a British protectorate since Nelsons time and only given independence in 1963 it has become a little part of Britain but still keeps its strong Arab and Turkish influences. The Maltese people are proud of their history, though quite what lineage the locals are from is hard to discern. The language is 60% Arabic but sounds quite different to what we have been listening to for the last three years and their facial features look more Italian or Greek. Thankfully they all speak good English so we can now relax a bit and Gay does not have to do all the talking (French) for a change.

For a petrol head like me, Malta is like a 24hr vehicle show only the vehicles are still in use and drive by all day. Hillman Hunters, Morris Marinas, Datsun 120’s-140’s, Ford Cortina’s, Mk1 Escorts, Mini’s and the ubiquitous local bus service, providing cheap stylish travel for all. Plaxtons coachworks could never have imagined their sturdy coaches would be still going strong in the 21st century and for only 47 cents per trip. They are full and frequent, not like in the UK. They drive on the left also. Sadly the EU wants them off the road.


Malta joined the Euro Zone in 2004 and as a result everything became more expensive and rules and regulations started to come in to a place where self governance meant live and let live. It must have been a great place to live before this fundamental political change: greater tolerance, less officialdom and freedom to get on with life on a little island in the middle of the Med. You can imagine the island was like the Isle of Wight (where?) with a thriving tourist industry and sunshine. Maybe I’m being a bit romantic; the old Ladies don’t have blue rinses, they dye their hair black in true Catholic tradition and waddle about dressed in black also.

Churches, Cathedrals, monuments and religious figures in stone, bronze and marble are situated on almost every corner of the city. It can be a bit overpowering for an Atheist, so what it must be like if you’re a Muslim, heaven only knows (pun). Islam has been built over and I have yet to see a mosque or hear the call to prayer, though I have seen Muslims. I think even the Jews have all gone to Israel.



The religious architecture is impressive, though vulgar in my eyes, and the craftsmanship is incredible. Considering some of this dates back to the 17th century, before the tower crane and fork truck made lifting lumps of stone easy and safe, there must have been some serious accidents. It amazes me that despite the abject poverty around during the time these ostentatious piles were built, they were welcomed by the locals who lived in squalor and had to pay taxes to the church. Such is the power of the afterlife and the promise of eternal peace......

Feeling like tourists and not travellers, we took the bus to Mdina City, some 30min southwest. A two day Medieval pageant was taking place and re-enactments of the time where tastefully dotted about around the shit-free streets. Local trades like basket making, pottery, armour fitting, flea eradication, weaving etc were to be seen in action just like it would have been in 1666, even the musicians had the correct attire and instruments while the Knights that were not staging regular fight scenes in the courtyard could be seen playing board games of the period. Mdina history goes back to 3000bc and like its big sister, Valetta, it is built to withstand invasions, sitting proudly atop the biggest hill for miles. On a clear day you can see France...




The Maltese are great bird lovers. They love to shoot them as they migrate from Africa to Europe and very few birds can be seen in and around the city’s, not even Crows or Starlings. Falconry is still a big crowd pleaser and the display of birds at the pageant was impressive but for the fact that they don’t get to fly off and live a life in the wild. This picture shows the rare ‘Bustless Smiler’, (unique to these islands) in spring time breeding plumage.



Below is a picture of the very common ‘bearded ladybird’, notice the beautiful dark eyes, the thick neck and pointed beak. A natural to these islands and North Africa, the ‘Beardie’, as more commonly known, is normally seen together with its much larger mother, sharing some tasty morsel like a kebab or cheese burger.


The Maltese Falcon is synonymous with ancient tales of chivalry and all that goes with delivering chocolates to ladies who look like they never eat them. The bird was actually given annually as a form of appeasement to the Maltese from their oppressive neighbours.



The Bald Eagle was once a common sight but alas, due to the destruction of its habitat, is only seen during festive periods such as the Mdina pageant . This example is obviously kept for breeding purposes only as its overweight and unshaven. You can see the killer instinct in its eye though.











An eight month old, short eared owl, bred in captivity.


Whilst in town the other day I was looking at an expensive book that detailed the 2007 breeding results of the known birds in the Island of Malta and its smaller sibling, Gozo, to the north. The contrast was incredible between the common birds that we are familiar with in our gardens back in the UK and less well known varieties that visit these shores. For example, Flycatcher, 27,000 pairs known to have bred successfully. Starling, 2, yes, two! The story is no better for the Robin or most of the songbirds. Anything that makes its home around humans has been wiped out completely. The only exception is the Sparrow and the shitty city Pigeon. Oh, I did see a Seagull.

We have not yet travelled very far from the centre of Valletta and I would hope to see more of our feathered friends as we get into the countryside. Watch this space......

At an average of £1,000,000 per metre, the super yacht industry seems to be making the most of the recession. This ‘yacht’ was still being commissioned, delivery mileage only. Try Googling ‘Indian Empress’, you might find some details of this grotesque phallic extension... Still can’t land a helicopter on it so it’s not all that grand. Why the five satellite domes?